“Intimate relationship is a place especially ripe for the deepest sort of healing and awakening, through which the full integration of our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual dimensions is more than possible.” - Robert Augustus Masters
Because of my own lessons in love, I have devoted my life to the advancement of relationships.
For nearly 20 years, I was stuck in a relationship where we were living parallel lives, unhappy and unseen on a soul level. Emotions weren't safe to be expressed, and I felt stifled and disrespected.
When my marriage fell apart, I had to get humble and admit that I had a lot to learn about how to be in a happy, healthy relationship.
I was guided to see that all relationships are co-created, and I began to own my part - that I was abandoning myself, putting him on a pedestal, and walking on eggshells so that I didn't rock the boat.
I wanted him to love me so badly that I shapeshifted into whatever I thought he wanted me to be. And then when that didn't work, I became resentful.
It was a hard pill to swallow, but I saw how I was feeding the dynamic with my lack of healthy boundaries, low standards, and continuing to settle for less than I deserved due to low self-love and self-worth.
As I began to heal, I reclaimed my confidence and began to believe that I deserved to be loved for exactly who I was. I began to show up much differently, in a way that was much more aligned with who I truly was. I stopped putting a lid on my emotions, intuition, and spirituality, all things that weren't 'safe' to express with him. My desire to live in a way that was true became my #1 priority.
The pattern of self-abandoment ended there.
We spent two years in therapy trying to save things - but it was too far gone, and we had to let it go.
After I got over the shame of our divorce, I started to notice that I wasn't alone in needing guidance on how to have a healthy relationship. To this day, I see major confusion around foundational, healthy relationship skills.
After throwing myself into learning everything I could about relationships, and then putting it all into practice in my life, I began to have people coming to me looking for guidance. I was already working as a psychologist in a more general way for years prior, but decided to dedicate my practice to relationships in 2017.
The New Paradigm of Relationships
We are in a time of transition with relationships, and have the potential to do things very differently. We are now being called to use relationships consciously for growth and evolution - they are no longer for the purpose of survival.
The purpose of relationships is to show us our blind spots. There is only so much inner work that you can do on your own - eventually, you need the 'other' to be a mirror for you. This is the only way that you can get the full picture of what you need to learn and develop on a soul level.
The reason for this is because so much of our life is directed by the unconscious. And by definition, the unconscious is that which is hidden from our conscious awareness. Relationships are the #1 vehicle that is available to us to make the unconscious conscious..
They are meant to be used as a catalyst for transformation, to heal and expand into our highest selves.
Relationships bring up all of our stuff for a reason - it's an opportunity for us to heal trauma, old patterns, and programming that is out of alignment with our highest self.
They also provide the rich fuel of love and support that accelerates us to our highest, stretching us to grow beyond what we could do by ourselves.
Do you want to change the way you use relationships today?