Many of you have been asking for my definition of conscious relationships.
Here's what Andrés and I practice.
Conscious Relationship Agreements:
We know that conscious romantic relationships bring up all of our 'stuff' so that we can heal and grow - things we can't see on our own, and things that don't get activated in other types of relationships.
We commit to doing the inner work to heal triggers and old patterns for the sake of ourselves, our partners, and everyone around us.
(This is what makes these relationships CONSCIOUS, and not unconscious. We are not operating from auto-pilot. We become aware of what we are doing, how we are responding, and get super curious about that.)
We understand that these relationships encourage deep vulnerability so that we can experience what it feels like to be loved fully for all of our parts.
We practice moving through conflict in a healthy way, without running away from challenges.
We understand that relationships are co-created. We are two people who are shaping every moment of our relationship. We avoid victim mentality and take ownership of our part.
We are fully aware of the potential of conscious romantic relationships to be THE #1 driver for our evolution. This is because they bring up everything that needs to be healed - much more so than any other type of relationship. We are committed to growth, both of ourselves and each other.
We strive for a multidimensional connection with each other on the physical, emotional, intellectual + spiritual levels, which deepens our bond and intimacy beyond words.
These principles guide not only our relationship, but the work that I am committed to doing here and in the world.
How does your relationship relate to these characteristics?
What's your own definition of a healthy, conscious partnership?
What parts of the above may be easy for you, and what's hard?
If you're activated and want to go deeper, schedule a free consult here.
I am overflowing with gratitude for Andrés, who has stepped up to the plate in a major way.
The past two months have been difficult for us, kind of unexpectedly.
His commitment to us and our growth reflects the type of man he is - one of extraordinary strength, dedication, and willingness to own his stuff and go all in.
I have never experienced a man with so much dedication before, willing to show up like this for me, for us, no matter what is thrown at him. Some days I'm like, OMFG, who IS this person?
It's challenged my beliefs of what I'm really worthy of.
Also, because it's actually much harder for men to be good. (I am not joking.) For him to stand firm in his commitment to be a good man and unlearn toxic conditioning is something I am LITERALLY blown away by. How much support do men have to really do this? How many models of this do they really have around them?
Yes, things are shifting, but it's actually quite complex and sophisticated to do, in my opinion. Choosing to be a good man in relationships requires a high level of consciousness, resilience, dedication, ownership, courage, and motivation. It requires a heart that is dedicated to love and growth for everyone involved.
It's way easier for men to uphold the status quo and perpetuate a system that benefits them above all else. So, making the choice to be a better man is no small feat, and I believe with every ounce of my being that this needs to be celebrated to the fullest.
It has me reflecting upon my own journey of anger towards men, how that's undoubtedly part of the path for many women who have experienced abuse in any form, but of how I am SO far past that now, with deep love for men and witnessing SO MANY of them rising up and reclaiming greatness.
I believe that once women are able to move past the anger, to really open + INVITE IN a man of this caliber, he will appear.
I could speak for days of my support for men's work, especially because I am the mother of a boy and have a deep desire to raise him into a good man. Words don't do that justice, I feel on some level that only mothers of boys can understand the call to action here.
As a single mom, I can't do it alone. I need men around me that are modeling that for him. And Andrés is a better model than I could've ever dreamed of.
For Andrés to stand in deep reverence of my intense emotionality, unpredictable cyclical nature, incredibly high standards + boundaries is stunning.
Truthfully if I was him, I wouldn't be able to do it.
His way of being in our relationship time and time again has inspired me: seeing him continue to open his heart to me despite the real risk of it getting smashed, refusing to run away, staying fully present amidst the storm, encouraging me to always go deeper into my own growth, allowing me to be FULLY open + honest + real because it's met with such love and acceptance and his ability to HOLD it like a f-cking champion is the standard he sets in our relationship.
I have no clue how he does it.
The work I've done to heal my relationship with my femininity, my body as a woman, my trauma from sexual abuse and all of the things seems quite easy in comparison, especially because how he shows up in our relationship has emerged naturally from who he is as a person and is a reflection of his innate majesty vs. years of intense workshopping or learning from the masters.
Last night we were reflecting upon everything, and I observed how our relationship is honestly beyond my wildest dreams. I think I said that from the start, but where we are now is a place I never thought I would ever experience in my life. Not even after I broke free of an unhappy marriage (that I assumed I would be in forever) and used that to massively redesign how I wanted it to be NEXT time. Nothing could have prepared me for the beauty of what I have called in. The level of my relationship with this man is truly something that takes my breath away on a daily basis. It feels magical, destined without a doubt, often with a life of its own, and exquisite even in times of great difficulty.
I have to be real with you guys. Our relationship is something that we want to let the world see, because it is special. I say that not from a place of "Hey, look at us, we're so great!" but from a place of deep knowingness that this relationship is beyond he and I, it's something that we have been gifted for everyone around us. What you have to know about us is that we are both incredibly private people. I have only recently gotten comfortable speaking to an audience, coming from younger years of intense social anxiety so crippling that I had to muster up courage to just leave the house. I never envisioned this, to be honest. It's a higher calling that is pushing us to share ourselves with the world. To allow you in to witness us is extraordinarily vulnerable. We are no experts in this domain of being seen. It opens us up to all sorts of judgments. But we do it for the greater good. Because he and I share the same vision of the evolution of relationships to the highest level - to unleash the ripe potential of conscious relationships as a vehicle for massive growth - to literally do this for the good of humanity, and as powerful models for the next generation.
If you've followed my work recently, you know that I will always be real with you on the bliss and transformative potential of this kind of relationship as well as the hardships. But it is truly worth every minute. I would not choose any other way. This type of relationship calls you to step up to the plate, and it isn't always easy. It excavates everything within you that needs to come to the surface to be met with love and healing, for the highest good of yourself and everyone around you. Even when you think you've done all the work, it invites you to go deeper. To peel back another layer. And to be able to do that with another human in the context of such deep levels of love + support is what makes this type of relationship so f-cking amazing. Shadow work done alone is part of the journey for many of us. But doing it within partnership is something that I can't put words to.
This shift towards conscious relationships starts with us. Will you choose to perpetuate the status quo in relationships for generations to come? To operate from knee-jerk reactions, triggers, and old patterns? Or will you choose to step up to the plate and learn how to do things differently, consciously?
This work is powerful and has the potential to massively uplevel humanity. It's my mission and deepest honor to be able to support you in the invitation to rise.
If you are activated and want to go deeper, book a free consult.