I remember the universe smacking me HARD across the face seven years ago when my therapist made the wise observation that people pleasing was manipulative (she was referring to how I was showing up in my marriage.)
My ex and I were in the throes of darkness, trying to repair our far-gone relationship with 2x weekly counseling.
A huge theme was that I was not being myself. I was putting him on a pedestal and shapeshifting into whatever I thought he wanted me to be for his love + approval.
As it washed over me that I had totally abandoned myself while simultaneously manipulating him into believing I was something that I was not (obviously not on purpose, but you know…) I felt the sting.
I finally began to understand how relationships are co-created.
I took ownership of my behavior + realized that I needed to do some serious work on self-love.
As I relaxed back into my true self and REALLY got in touch with who I was + what I needed, the relationship unraveled and we eventually divorced.
(Which is exactly what was needed, because we were clearly not an authentic match.)
After I cleaned up that part of my life, I realized that so many other people were doing the same exact thing. I began to have conversations with people and talk openly about this behavior in my women's cirlces, and also dive in deeper from a psychological perspective.
Obviously we don't do this because we want to be manipulative, but because we feel we don’t have any other choice. We have decided that the real version of us is just not lovable or worthy.
And so the root cause is always damaged levels of self-love and self-worth, which means we have to decondition ourselves from whatever garbage we were taught about what is and is not lovable. It really is like a soul retrieval.
But the most incredible thing that I want to share with you is that once you do this work, and attract in your TRUE PERSON from this place, someone who loves you exactly for who you are, and someone you can relax fully around, it's the most incredible feeling in the world.
It allows the truest, most authentic love that you've ever felt to be experienced, and that is ecstasy.
It is one of the keys to experiencing a love beyond your wildest dreams.
I share this story with you because:
1) I know so many can relate, and
2) I want to tell you that being your true self is ALWAYS the way.
I help people stop the pattern of people pleasing + abandoning themselves everyday. If you need support, reach out and schedule a call so we can talk about how to reclaim your truest, fullest self.
From that place, everything that is meant for you at a soul level comes.