I remember the universe smacking me HARD across the face back in 2015 when my therapist made the wise observation that people pleasing was manipulative (of course this was in relation to how I was showing up in the relationship.)
My ex and I were in the throes of darkness, trying to repair our far-gone marriage with 2x weekly counseling.
A huge theme was that I was not being my true self - I was putting him on a pedestal and shapeshifting myself into whatever I thought he wanted me to be for his love + approval (I guess you could label that an extreme form of people pleasing).
As it washed over me that I had totally abandoned myself while simultaneously manipulating him into believing I was something that I was not (obviously not on purpose, but you know…) I felt the sting. I finally began to understand co-creation + ownership of my behavior + the realization that I needed to do some serious work on self-love.
Obviously we do this not because we want to be manipulative, but because we feel we don’t have any other choice. The real version of us that we could show up as is just not lovable or worthy.
Nevertheless, it’s behavior that needed to change, and as I relaxed back into my true self and REALLY got in touch with who I was + what I needed, the relationship unraveled and we eventually divorced.
I share this story with you because:
1) I know so many can relate, and
2) I want to tell you that being your authentic self is ALWAYS the way.
I never would’ve attracted Andrés if I hadn’t healed that pattern...
and I want to empower you to get SO real with who you are, what you need, and what you have to offer that there’s simply no other way to be.
Let me know in the comments why you’re DONE with people pleasing + abandoning yourself.
Let’s collectively burn that sh-t to the ground.